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| Wow, long time no see... So I felt the need to re-open this shiz and bitch about some stuff. Number 1, mosquitoes. I don't know whose idea it was to create the little fuckers, but they serve absolutely NO purpose other than to annoy mammals across the planet; more specifically me. I went home this past weekend and hung out with some old high school kids that I <3 very much and wish I got to see more of. Well anyway, whilst (sp?) sitting around a fire pit conversing about everything and drinking probably too much wine I got eaten alive from the knees down by my wonderful friends, the mosquitoes. Needless to say, it looks like I have a case of f-ing chicken pox on my feet and it feels about as equivalent in the itching department. This was exacerbated even more by walking around in my work shoes for 8+ hours today. Thank. god. for. Benedryl. Other than wanting to amputate off my feet every 2 seconds, something else has been on my mind lately.So I have this friend whom I am very close with... well or we used to be. I don't know about now. More or less she is a "real adult" now with a job and all the other things that come along with it. Now I realize that people grow apart, change, whatever, but I don't think that being graduated and having a new job is an acceptable reason for just basically writing someone off and not talking to them once every... 2 months; especially when you live in the same damn city. Yet again, people change and grow apart, but I've always had a hard time losing people; always have, more than likely always will. Especially with me being so far from campus this year, I wanted to maintain some sort of normalcy in my life and retain the few friends that I still have around here. I hate living far away from campus while I'm still in college; absolutely hate it and this was kind of a way to help with that. I don't think it makes me feel any better that the people she's surrounding herself with now really aren't all that... great. We'll just leave it at that. So should I just let it go or try and salvage the friendship? I don't know.
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| Hey everyone (that still reads this that is)! Per usual my life has been rather interesting during the past year. First off I'll start by addressing the things that I've recounded in my last post. Oh, and about that... sorry I haven't written in forever. I guess I just forgot about this thing? Neh. Anyway, here goes. OSU football and bball made it to the natl. championships but unfortunately lost. Furthermore, I won the student ticket lottery to go to the Final Four, but couldn't. Boo, hiss. <=== Um yea, really bitter about that... still. - Got nut cancer <=== fun shit. Mmmm yea. <=== Nut cancer came back in my lungs and as a result I had to go through chemo. Not so fun, but it definitely put EVERYTHING into perspective. - Dated a really great guy <=== Eh, maybe not so great, not so much, but great while it lasted. <=== Is a good guy, just really... Unsure about what he wants? I dunno really. I do know he's not for me. - Went through two pretty big surgeries. (Fierce battle scars!) <=== Still there and still fierce. - Realized some stuff about life. <=== Um yea, you have no idea....... -Found out what and who really matters in life thanks to cancer. <==== I thought I knew after I first got diagnosed, but I didn't know shit. -Started to get life back together after putting it on hold for a couple months. <==== Life was further on hold for a while. Hopefully now everything is going to chill the fuck out. ::crosses fingers:: -Reading more. <=== Yay! :0D <=== Eh, I don't have time to read. - Cousin had her baby and I'm the godfather. No, not in the Italian mobster kind of way. <=== He's so big and almost 9 months old! Lordy! - Am finally happy being single and sticking to it so I can do whatever the fuck I want. <=== Still my story and I'm sticking to it. Now, to further elaborate. So starting off, my cancer relapsed. After thinking I was "cured" and would never have to worry about the thing ever again. Well, was I wrong. Five months later in late August I found out that I relapsed and my cancer had spread to both of my lungs. I found out at the worst possible time too... while I was in the car driving home to Youngstown alone. I remember talking to my doctor and him telling me what was going on, but I don't remember the rest of the drive home. I didn't cry, but I just sat there... numb to pretty much everything. When I got home, it finally hit and my parents and I cried, cried, and cried. The next week I had an appointment with my medical oncologist and he told me that I'd have to go through nine weeks of chemo. To make a long story short, I really found out who my true friends are and who really matters. I realized that you can think everything will be ok and that you can do everything in your power to prevent something, but life sometimes blows and deals you a crappy hand... multiple times. As a result from everything that's happened in the past year I appreciate people, more specifically my family, friends, co-workers, etc. so much more. I look at things differently and I don't stress out nearly as much. I realize life is short and you should make the most of it. When I look back at everything and compare how I was and how I thought before cancer to how I think after cancer, I just wonder "what was I thinking before I was thinking?" or something along those lines. I'm more aware, more passionate, more focused, more appreciative than I've ever been. I'm back in school now and I've been back for a quarter. Last quarter I only took 10 credit hours and they were both non-nursing classes so this quarter is proving to be more difficult and time consuming now that I'm back in my nursing curriculum. This is supposed to be the "easy" quarter of the sequence but for me... it's really not. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been out of the program for over a year and I'm not used to the intensity that it entails. It also doesn't help that I'm working 32 hours a week now, 8 more than I was last year. Right now I feel lost almost; like I'm in a war zone or something, like I have to be on my shit 24/7 or I get behind or I fuck up. Between work and school, I don't have a ton of time to focus on me or just hang out with my friends which kills me because most of them are graduating at the end of this quarter and I want to spend as much time with them as possible before they move away. I'm constantly conflicted as to whether I should stay in and study/get stuff done or go out with them and spend these last few weekends together. Then of course there's the added pressure from work that always seems to interfere with my sleep schedule. More or less I feel spread far too thin right now, but yet I keep on going through everything trying to make it work as I go. If I can make it through this quarter I think I'll be ok because I've pretty much accepted that I won't have a life next year since all my friends will be graduated - aka - I'll have more time to focus on school and work. Fun times, right? Being so busy also kills my love life , oh wait... who am I kidding... I don't have one of those, hah. I'm pretty much in the same boat as I was when I last wrote. It would be great to find someone that I could date/bang on a regular basis (right now I'd take the banging on a regular basis, not gonna lie!), but it's just not in the cards. Not to mention I am growing more and more impatient with the gay men that Columbus seems to produce. Most of them are too flakey, dumb, superficial, and just downright ridiculous for me to feel like they have anything to offer me. I know what I want and I'm gonna hold out until I get it; simple as that. But at the same time, for some reason, since I'm not the typical "Abercrombie wanna be model" I don't get noticed, which I guess is fine because I want someone to like me for me, but it still sucks to feel unwanted. But we all like to be noticed or sought after, yes even you. Anyway, but more than that it basically comes down to me not wanting to commint or even start anything because I don't have the time or the patience to give it a good effort. As you can probably see, I'm torn on the issue, but I think anyone in my position would be. Well, I guess that's it. Back to studying. Hopefully I'll write more, but this time I won't guarantee it.  | | |
|  :Sleepy:
So, as it stands right now, it's been exactly 9 months since I've "blogged." Um yea... I don't know why really. Well, yea I do. I guess I just didn't see the point. Whatev. Sooo just to update everyone. The things that have happened in my life from the last time up until this point. Here we go: - OSU football and bball made it to the natl. championships but unfortunately lost. Furthermore, I won the student ticket lottery to go to the Final Four, but couldn't. Boo, hiss. - Got nut cancer <=== fun shit. Mmmm yea. - Dated a really great guy <=== Eh, maybe not so great, not so much, but great while it lasted. - Went through two pretty big surgeries. (Fierce battle scars!) - Realized some stuff about life. -Found out what and who really matters in life thanks to cancer. -Started to get life back together after putting it on hold for a couple months. -Reading more. <=== Yay! :0D - Cousin had her baby and I'm the godfather. No, not in the Italian mobster kind of way. - Am finally happy being single and sticking to it so I can do whatever the fuck I want. Yea, I think that's about it.... Granted, that may not be that much, but they're more like... main ideas. So I'm struggling with some things right now. It's pretty much the same stuff that I always deal with internally. I don't think I really... make it known though; at least not to a lot of people. After I found out that my last ex was kind of a skeeze (I've only "seriously dated" two guys) I've had absolutely no desire to get on anyone, let alone date. I've found that it's very hard to find a gay guy in Columbus that will be completely honest with you. I have such a hard time with this because generally I'm a very honest, if not blut, person. Granted, I'm not perfect, I lie from time to time just like everyone else walking this earth; but I try my hardest to tell the truth and be up front with people on a daily basis. That's basically what I don't understand. I don't get how people can just lie and live... an alternate life and totally deceive someone. Especially in a relationship. I guess I'm just going to have to wait it out and wait for something better to come along. That's probably the shittiest part about it; the fact that you think you have someone quality, down to earth, honest, and devoid of freakish sexual addictions, but then you find out that they actually are kind of a d-bag out of nowhere. I guess all we can do is just roll with it and as corny as it sounds, "be the change that we want to see in the world." Sooooo here I am, cancer free, alive, blessed, very grateful, and a better person. | | |
|  :Upset:
So... it's officially drawn to a close. It's time to pick up, get over him and move on. He obviously has. Yay. ::Just keep thinking, you're gorgeous (according to one of my friends... I'm not that self involved... at all.):: It hurts like hell, but life isn't perfect, right? Maybe more to come, we'll see. But for right now, I'm drinking some sangria to take off the edge. | | |
| Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha... It's all good with Tara Reid! LOL Wow, I love PerezHilton.com
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